Old Games

One of the premises of my work is that you are either creating what you want OR you’re playing an old game. An old game is basically a game of survival.  Like any game, if you play it long enough, you’re going to develop an expertise in that game. For example, a very common old game is the “I don’t have enough time” game. Each of us, at one time or another, have had an experience of not having enough time. Our plate becomes full. There’s a lot on the calendar and we just feel overwhelmed. For those of you, where lack of time is not a common occurrence, you’re likely not playing an old game.

Someone who has the “I don’t have enough time” game has become a master in this game. They almost never have enough time.  They are always talking about and complaining about their lack of time. If they don’t want to do something, it’s there first reason why not.  If you try to help them with their time issue, they shoot down every suggestion and they might even get upset with you because they feel you just don’t understand how life is for them.  They’ve thought through every reason why their time issue cannot be solved and yet, they are likely trying to solve it; but there’s no solving it.  In fact, if it was possible to literally empty their plate, take away all of their commitments and let them create their life from scratch, they would build a life of “not enough time.”  Why?  Because that’s how they know how to do life.  They are experts in their game.

Basically an old game is so a part of who you are that it doesn’t seem like you’re playing a game.  It’s not something you’re doing or participating in; “It’s just how life is.” Some other examples of old games are the Victim Game, the Bully Game, and the I Want People to Like Me game. There is also the Men (Women) Suck Game, the Relationships are Hard Game and many more. An easy way to find your games is to look at your primary reasons why your life hasn’t worked out the way you thought it should or the reasons you use to justify not changing your life.   You will find the name of the game just by examining the very language you use day in, day out.

Where did these games come from?  The basic versions of your games developed when you were young.  You were going along living your life and you wanted something but, for whatever reason, you failed to get it. You experienced a limit and someone wasn’t there to move you through the limitation in a healthy way. Instead you were left to experience the pain of the limitation likely along with some useless platitude like “This too shall pass” or “If it doesn’t kill you, it will only make you stronger” (which only served to reinforce the feeling of helplessness).  Some of these limitations you did eventually move through, but others, for some reason, you didn’t.  They only became more solidified over time, and ended up becoming part of your worldview.

People often want to get rid of these old games, which is completely understandable. The problem is that old games are a part of you. Trying to get rid of an old game is pointless. You’ve developed an expertise in your old game.  If you developed mastery in cooking or playing the piano, you’re not just going to get rid of that expertise.  Sure, if you stop playing, you might get a bit rusty, but your mastery has become part of you.   For someone who plays the Victim Game, they have elevated being a victim to an art form. In fact, they probably have a great deal of vision and creativity around this game; always coming up with more and more inventive ways to play the victim.

More importantly, it’s not necessary to get rid of your old game.  If you wanted to do something else other than cook or play the piano, you wouldn’t have to get rid of your expertise in those areas; instead, you’d just have to develop expertise in your new area of interest.  My blog has been about helping you to develop expertise in the game of creating what you want.

One of the things to begin to understand about an old game is that it seems like winning at or overcoming your old game is on the pathway to creating what you want.  “If I could just be more effective at managing my time, then I could really create what I want,” says the “I Don’t Have Enough Time” player.  Creating what we want has become synonymous with fixing our flaws or overcoming our limitations, or old games.  The problem with that strategy is the more you attempt to fix the old game, the more you are playing it, and are engaging in the dynamics of it and the only thing you’re really accomplishing is becoming more sophisticated at playing the old game.

Creating what you want is a whole other animal.  It’s not about getting rid of something; instead it’s about bringing something new into being.  Creating doesn’t start with your current circumstances.  It doesn’t start with your old games.  Your circumstances, your old games are just things you’ve already created.  Creating begins with asking the question, “What results do you want to create in your life?”

Sounds easy, right?  In the next post, we’ll explore more deeply why this seems easier said than done.  It’s actually not because creating is inherently difficult.  As we’ll see, it’s more because we don’t understand the life cycle of a creation.