The Rest of the Story

It’s a new year.  It’s a time for reflection on what we’ve accomplished.  It’s a time for thinking about what’s to come, a time to think about what we are going to create.  We all know that predictably most resolutions will get broken.  And if that’s the case, then why do we do it at all?  Why do we take the time to imagine the possibility that the coming year can bring?  Is there something to be learned just from the act of making resolutions?  I believe that there is.

Imagining what we want to have happen this year gives us an opportunity to touch a space that unfortunately we only seem to allow ourselves to experience but once per year.  That space is the future.  Think about it.  You ponder where you want to be a year from now.  You imagine the possibility of your life.  You envision the possibility of a year.  You become inspired by thoughts of a slimmer body, more money, or a more loving relationship.  You find yourself filled with joy – the joy of creating something new, creating what you want.  Then when this part of the process is done (or at least that’s how we think about it), we set off to do the work of making our futures come true.  And for most of us, about two to four weeks later, not only is that experience of joy and wonder a distant memory; so too are our resolutions.

What’s happening here?

To fully appreciate this dynamic, I’d like you to imagine that you are sitting in a chair.  To the left of you is an apple tree and to the right of you is a yellow bicycle.  If I said to you, “Fulfilling your future requires one simple thing of you.  For the next year, for most of the time, you must keep your eye on the yellow bicycle.  Sometimes you can look at the apple tree, but for most of the time, you must maintain your focus on the bicycle.”  Putting the ridiculousness of this scenario aside, if that’s what it took to fulfill your future, the task would be clear and simple.

With respect to your future – your New Year’s resolutions – the water gets muddied.  You create your future (yellow bicycle) and then once that’s done, you spend most of your time with your attention focused on your past (the apple tree).  And the real kicker is you actually think that you’re spending most of your time with your focus on your future.  You think that you’re focus is on your future because you’re working so damn hard to make it happen.  You think you’re attention is on the yellow bicycle, but it’s not.  You’re engaged most of the time telling the old story about the old life that you’ve already created wondering why it’s so damn hard to have those things you wanted.  Wondering where the inspiration of your life has gone.

With regard to our resolutions, most of us spend some relatively small amount of time at the beginning of the year telling the new story of our lives.  “I want to have a strong healthy body and weigh 150 pounds” (yellow bicycle).  “I want to have a fantastic job that brings me alive everyday” (yellow bicycle).  “I want to have a loving intimate relationship” (yellow bicycle).  Then we spend the rest of the year telling the old story of our lives.  “It’s really hard to not eat pizza, but I guess I’ll have to suck it up” (apple tree).  “I just can’t find time to exercise and plus, I really hate it” (apple tree).  “There are no jobs out there for me.  Oh well, let me send out some resumes.  Not that it’s going to make any difference” (apple tree).  “Men/women suck.  There are no good ones out there.  I’m tired of dating” (apple tree).

So what can you do differently?  Simple.  “I want to have a strong healthy body and weigh 150 pounds.”  That’s the first line of your masterpiece.  Now write me the rest of the story.  Write me the story of how it’s going to go in January, February, March and so on right through the end of the year to 150 pounds.  But not the story of how it’s going to go based on your past.  Tell me the story of how it’s going to go based on your future.

“What?  How am I supposed to know how’s it going to go based on my future?”

Exactly.  You don’t, and that’s really the point.  We don’t know how the future is going to go, but we live like we do.  And since we live like we do know, if you don’t write another story; if you don’t write the story you want, then your past (the apple tree) will be the only one you’re left with.  It will, by default, become your focus and the only story you’ll be able to tell, and you pretty much know how that story is going to go.

So yes, make those resolutions, but this year, tell the whole story.  And not just once, tell the whole story again and again and again.  And keep telling it until the new story (just like the old story did) becomes your life.

All that’s missing in your resolution process is the rest of the story!